Gift of Lament (Ps. 13:1-6)

What do you do when your current situation doesn’t seem to fit with the goodness and faithfulness of God? 

Who do you turn to when the very person you have an issue with is God? 

A few years ago, myself as well as other pastors put in incalculable amounts of hours into investing in a few dear people in our church. We prayed, fasted, and had so so many meetings. 

What was the result after about two years of this? 

Most of them left the church. 

One of my close friends tried to get me removed as a pastor.

Others in that season distanced themselves from us and still won't talk with us. 

Others chose their sin and addiction, which ultimately led to a path of destruction.

Although I have a category for situations not turning out well even if you give it your best, I was not prepared to experience this many “failures” after another. 

Certainly, if I put in enough love, time, and energy. The situations would eventually experience a breakthrough. Instead, they largely led to heartbreak, confusion, and burnout. 

My wife and I were at our lowest point in our life, and the second is not even close.

David’s words from Psalm 6:6 were fitting,

“I am worn out from sobbing. All night I flood my bed with weeping, drenching it with my tears.”

I remember being on vacation in California during that season, listening to the song, the blessing with my Bible open, sitting on the couch, and I'm just shaking with sobs and tears are falling all over my bible. 

Eden saw me and held me, she was six years old at the time and told me it would be OK. 

I couldn't understand why God wouldn't break through in these relationships. I prayed. I read books. I sought counsels. I did everything right in the book.

God, wouldn’t it be for your glory to see breakthrough in these situations!?
Do you get glory from broken relationships?
From addictions reigning? 

Isn’t grace and freedom your ideas!

And on top of that, Ross and Charlotte went to our home to water plants while we were out of town and discovered the door open and our whole house ransacked. Many valuables were taken, and our home was in utter chaos. 

Why this way? Why this hard? Why this long?

Is this how you treat your servants? Is this how you treat your children?

I was trying to make disciples and trying to help people who were lost and immature.

This season, lead me deeper into the heart of God, learning more about myself, and the different idols and lies that I believed that controlled me in the background. 

God used these situations to cut me open to expose deep cancers of my soul, idols of control, of power, of approval. The soul surgery almost killed me but God was faithful. He used it to heal me, to restore me, and in many ways, save me all over again. It made our church healthier and our team stronger through it all.

Much more can be said about that season, but I want to share with you a tool, a tool from the Bible a tool from God that I wish I had during that season and every hard season of my life.

A tool that took me too long to learn. 

And I'm not upset at those who discipled me over the years or the teachers that I learned from, they just didn't have this. I have compassion for them as I have compassion for me for not teaching this well. 

It's a huge gap in our discipleship, especially in the western church.

And so I want to give you that which I needed back then, and everyday. 

The gift of lament.

A gift that some of you have learned to embrace long before me as you have suffered way more than I have.

I have been deeply helped by Mark Vroegop and this book. He has articulated most helpfully that which God has slowly been teaching me for the last 8 years. 

What is the purpose of lament?

Lament is a prayer in pain that leads to trust. It is not only how Christians grieve; it’s the way Christians praise God through their sorrows. Lament is a pathway to praise when life gets hard. - Mark Vroegop

Lament is the wrestle when you believe God is good but your circumstances seem to deny that. 

It’s when your theology is clashing with your feelings. 

Questions arise in your soul like:

Where are you?
If you love me, why is this happening? 

Who among us who have been Christians longer than a year, haven’t wrestled with these questions?

And yet, most of us struggle with how to process these pains and questions. 

The Alternatives to Lament

Instead of us this gift of lament, we can fall into two ditches: 

despair or denial.

We tell people, “I’m fine,” when nothing could be further from the truth. 

On the other side, the enemy can use this struggle to tempt us to doubt and even deny God. 

Instead teaching and modeling for us, the church in the West has not helped us here. 

We have done really well with celebrating but largely do not know what to do with our sadness, except that we believe we should stop being sad and push through.

 And most of our worship services, do not have a place for lament. That has been a weakness in our gatherings. Majority of all songs written do not have components of lament. Many seem to ignore the fact that we are in the fallen world.

3 Reasons Why to Learn how to Lament

1. God gifted lament to us

Some of you will respond and say,

“That’s fine for others but I don’t need it. I just trust God regardless what happens. He is in control.” 

First of all, God Has given us a prayer and songbook called the psalms. Its a gift to His people on how to relate with him in all kinds of areas of life. 

Out of the 150 Psalms, how many would you guess would be lament Psalms? 

50, about 1/3 of all psalms!

Some laments are personal. Others are corporate. Some are written because of sin. Others express a desire for justice.

So God thinks its important way for us to relate with him. 

2. We will all experience disorienting levels of pain 

Some of you feel like this may not be relevant because you were currently in a season of peace and things are generally well. But in this fallen world, you were guaranteed troubles. 1st Peter actually says do not be surprised.

1 Peter 4:12 ESV

12 Beloved, do not be surprised at the fiery trial when it comes upon you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you.

I want you to be prepared. 

I want to prepare you not only for the time when you will suffer personally, but if you are not currently lamenting, somebody you know is. 

That is the beauty and pain of the church family, the closer we are to each other, the more we absorb each other's joy and sorrows.

How do you lament well with others who are in the darkest valley of their lives? 

3. We need to be discipled on what to do with our pain

Finally, Pain creates strong emotions, and I want you to know what to do with them. 

Our tendency is to deny them  (“Everything’s fine”) or despair and domination (“Everything’s awful”).

On top of all this, consider how pain can alienate us from others who are not sharing the pain or understand the pain so then we add loneliness into the equation.

Three Times to Lament

1. Personal Loss – this can be the death of a loved one or something you cherished

2. Suffering – this deals with physical, emotional , relational and spiritual ailments that affect us.

3. Injustice – violence, abuse, sin done toward you and others.

All of these could be something you are experiencing or others around you are: family, community, national, or global.

Four Step Process

If we Look to the Psalms for guidance on how to lament, we see a regular pattern throughout most of the psalms. This four-step process was articulated by Mark Vroegop. I changed it a little bit. 

1. Turn to your Father

2. Cry out your Complaint

3. Ask Boldly 

4. Confess your Trust

1. Turn 2. Complain 3. Ask 4. Trust

1. Turn to your Father

The first step is implied in every psalm because the psalms are prayers and songs. So they're inherently vertical. They are addressing God.

This is the first and most important step. Everything builds off of it.

In the midst of pain and confusion, where or WHO do you go with your pain? 

• Busyness

• Work 

• Entertainment 

• Pleasure

• Self-pity 

• Religious activity

And all these work for some time, until they don’t 

Although it may Seem easier and natural to go to these alternatives, it is ultimately a ticking time bomb. As the pain will find an outlet! It will leak out. 

Why don’t we go to God? 

I think pride is a big one for me. I am too independent and self-reliant. 

But another reason is that we can often project upon God, the indifference, busyness, and annoyance of our earthly fathers. 

But God is not like our earthly fathers! 

Even the best of fathers. He is not only available to hear from you, he wants to hear from you. Even the messy and ugly.

Hear the word of David, 

Psalm 62:8 NLT

8 Trust in him at all times, O people; pour out your heart before him; God is a refuge for us. Selah

Do you believe that God wants you to pour out his heart to Him? 

It takes faith to pray in the midst of pain. To lament, even with its messiness and tough questions, is an act of faith as one opens his or her heart to God.

Is there anything that you’ve stopped talking to God about? 

• a death

• An abuse

• A prodigal

• The slowness of change 

• The death of a dream

• The loss of a relationship

Refuse to give God the silent treatment!

› Turn to your Father and begin the conversation no matter how messy it is. He can handle it. 

› We are going to primarily use Psalm 13 as our model Psalm. The fact that David is praying means he has already begun to turn his heart toward His father. So we will look at the second step. 

Before we hear these words, I want you to close your eyes just for a moment. We’re going to listen to Psalm 13:1-3 in the New Living Translation.  

Now imagine we are in a prayer meeting and one of our members cried out Ps 13:1-2

2. Cry out your complaint

Psalm 13:1–2 NLT

1 O Lord, how long will you forget me? Forever? How long will you look the other way? 2 How long must I struggle with anguish in my soul, with sorrow in my heart every day? How long will my enemy have the upper hand?

Those feelings feel like too much, right? 

I mean, is he allowed to pray like that? Isn’t that offensive to God? 

What about Phil 2:14? 

Philippians 2:14 NIV

14 Do all things without grumbling or disputing,

But complaint can actually an act of faith.

You are not complaining about God, you are complaining to God.

Why would you complain to someone if you believe that they could do nothing about it and they didn't care.

No, you may complaints to those you believe can do something about it.

Biblical complaint is when your circumstances don’t seem to fit what you understand to be true of God. 

Where your pain seems more real than the promises of God. 

And so you pour out your heart to God. 

The Psalmist is confessing things that he knows are not true, but they feel to be true!

He says “how long oh Lord?” 4 times! And 22 x’s throughout the Psalms. 

He’s not looking for information, as much as he is pouring out his anguish and feeling of being abandoned. 

Biblical complaining isn't about venting any sinful anger towards God

The difference, is that you are asking and complaining from a posture of seeking to understand. 

It's being honest with what you actually feel, which spoiler alert, God already knows. So the sooner you express it, the sooner you can begin the process to move towards healing and trust. 

In fact, you can express anger about situations and find that God is with you in your anger. As the God of justice, He is even more angry about it. And as loving Father, he is fiercely protective over you!

“Doubts are better put into plain speech than lying diffused and darkening, like poisonous mists, in the heart. A thought, be it good or bad, can be dealt with when it is made articulate.”  - Alexander Maclaren

After discovering that they just experienced another miscarriage Mark’s wife once prayed, 

“I know you’re good but this feels mean!”

After that is out in the open, you can now deal with it.

As I’ve verbalize my complaints and talked to the Lord about them, it is surprising how often just verbalizing it can loosen the grip the pain has on my heart. Especially if I speak it out loud. 

Complaint helps me see myself and my situation more clearly. 

› Now after you pour out your heart, you can then move towards the next steps

3. Ask Boldly 

Psalm 13:3–4 ESV

3 Consider and answer me, O Lord my God; light up my eyes, lest I sleep the sleep of death, 4 lest my enemy say, “I have prevailed over him,” lest my foes rejoice because I am shaken.

David is at least experiencing two challenges. 

This language likely suggests that he was struggling with some sort of deadly illness. And at the same time, he had many enemies who would delight in his death. David is feeling both the potential of death coming for him as well as the pain and humiliation of his enemies gloating over him‌

But David does not fall into fatalism. He doesn't merely say, God you are sovereign overall. You will do whatever you want.

But rather, God because you are sovereign I am asking you boldly to change my circumstances.

Part of how God sovereignly moves is partnering with his peoples prayers.

I am often guilty of  only going, half way. I pray, and I say ouch, that hurts, and then I immediately just say OK go to trust you. And just take it on the chin and keep trucking along with his strength.

When we ask boldly we are declaring our trust and confidence that God can do something about it. 

God wants to hear our heart and our requests, just like any good father would. 

Bring up the news about Michael Johnson‘s friends and their deliverance

After you complain to God for some time, sometimes short, sometimes very long, you can transition to the final stage, which I would argue,

you have to transition into this step even if you don’t feel fully ready. 

4. Confess your trust

Psalm 13:5–6 ESV

5 But I have trusted in your steadfast love; my heart shall rejoice in your salvation. 6 I will sing to the Lord, because he has dealt bountifully with me.

First of all, notice that David's declaration of trust precedes the resolution of a situation. 

Verse five is not written months after he is healed and everything is fine. But in the midst of the pain and the fire.

In fact, David says his heart SHALL rejoice in His salvation. He is already rejoicing that God has delivered him.

I think this is both pointing backward and forward.

Backward because David has already been saved by the Lord in the most meaningful ways already.

And forward, because David is trusting that God will take care of everything in due time.

David is trusting in God’s steadfast love.
Why would you trust in God’s love?

This word for steadfast love is repeated throughout the Old Testament. It’s Hesed. And its also translated as covenant loyalty. God is loyal to us even when we waiver in our loyalty. He has bound himself to our destiny. He can no longer act apart from us. Because he has condescended in his love and made himself one with us.

He will no sooner abandon you than he would abandon his Son. 

For him to do this would him denying his very heart. 

God’s love is one you can put your hope and trust in!

Secondly, notice that David is drawing from his history from God and being reminded that God has been very gracious to him. 

No matter how dark and painful that current moment was, David can still say confidently that God has dealt bountifully with him or other translations, generously with him or HE HAS BEEN GOOD TO ME!

If you look at other lament Psalms, often what the psalmist will do is anchor his trust in a past event. In this case, he speaks in general of God’s bountiful treatment of him. 

Other Psalms highlight the Exodus. He is reminding his soul, and sometimes reminding God of what he did to ground his trust in something solid. Not a feeling. But a historical event that reminds him that God is faithful. 

God is powerful. God will deliver him.

If you don’t feel like you can move to this stage and you are stuck in complaint, you may need to Join the Son’s of Korah when they speak to their soul, 

Psalm 42:5–6 ESV

5 Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my salvation 6 and my God. My soul is cast down within me; therefore I remember you from the land of Jordan and of Hermon, from Mount Mizar.

Summary

1. Turn to your Father

2. Cry out your complaint

3. Ask Boldly 

4. Confess your trust

I have been using this framework almost daily in some form.
It has been going back to the past in areas I never dealt with. 

As well as current situations that are hard.
Sometimes it just takes a few minutes, other times it can take days.

The harder the longer. 

I realize that some of you may still not be convinced that lament is for you. Perhaps you were too “spiritual” for laments. 

But can I encourage you not to be more spiritual than Jesus? 

Jesus models lament for us in the darkest moment of his earthly life.

Jesus’ Example in the Garden

In Matthew 26:36–46, Jesus prays to His Father in the Garden of Gethsemane. 

Here is how we can see His prayer following these four steps:

1. Turn to your Father

Jesus initiates His prayer by getting alone with Father to pray in the midst of his pain and fear. 

2. Cry out Your Complaint

Jesus expresses His deep anguish and sorrow, letting his friends and His Father know the depth of His suffering and the intense dread He feels about the suffering He is about to endure. 

Matthew 26:38–39 ESV

38 Then he said to them, “My soul is very sorrowful, even to death; remain here, and watch with me.” 39 And going a little farther he fell on his face and prayed, saying, “My Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me; nevertheless, not as I will, but as you will.”

3. Ask Boldly 

Jesus asks God directly if it is possible for the suffering to be avoided, expressing His honest desire. This bold request expresses His humanity and His desire for another way if it aligns with His Father’s will.

Matthew 26:42 (ESV)

42 Again, for the second time, he went away and prayed, “My Father, if this cannot pass unless I drink it, your will be done.”

4. Confess Your Trust

Ultimately, Jesus surrenders His will to the Father’s, trusting in God’s plan. He reaffirms His obedience and trust, even in the face of immense suffering. He reasserts his trust three times!

No matter what pain you are in, and no matter how you may feel towards God, one accusation, we cannot lob towards God is that he doesn't understand.

Gospel Conclusion

Hebrews 4:15 ESV

15 For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin.

Isaiah 53:3 ESV

3 He was despised and rejected by men, a man of sorrows and acquainted with grief; and as one from whom men hide their faces he was despised, and we esteemed him not.

But he doesn’t just associate With us and understand us. That is good news by itself. But that only goes so far. We need resolution. We need a savior. We need more than someone who can just merely empathize with us.

For the Jew, the Exodus was their moment of deliverance from slavery. 

For the Christian, our Exodus, is the cross. 

It is where our questions should be taken. 

It is the foundation of our hope and confidence that no matter how dark, bleak, or difficult life may be, God has already proven Himself to be for us and not against us.

Romans 8:31–32 ESV

31 What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? 32 He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things?

We can say, God I don’t get this ___ but I get you! 

I can trust a God who would love me unto death. 

I can trust a God who has guaranteed that he will make all things new. 

Resolution may not come when I want, but it will come! 

And if you want deliverance, not just from sorrows but from the great sorrow of being separated from God forever you can have him. He is available and eager for you to receive his offering of forgiveness. He has loved you unto death. 

Why wouldn’t you receive Him? 

Why wouldn’t you cast your heart into his care? 

Jesus and his gospel is the answer for all our sorrows, both now and forever. 

If you want him, please pray with me or another Christian here. 

Next steps

Encourage you to get the book 

Write out a psalm 

Pray the psalms regularly 

If you do not have words yet yet, Borrow from the psalms. Let them give you language for your soul. 

So what do you do next time you experience hurt and pain that just don’t make sense? 

You use this gift of lament and you turn to your father, cry out your complaints, ask boldly for change, and confess your trust no matter what.