Intro – This whole weekend is about returning home to the Fathers love.  We have ventured away from home (Eden) and God made us for himself so if we want to experience joy we need to return home.  This first session is about our affections and how God delights in us and he has made us to be delighted in.  Kids cannot experience delight outside of their parents delighting in them.  When this happens with God we return home and are at home in the unifying love of God.  God is emotional and we bear his image.

Desire – My older brother came in and said the neighbors are going to pay me $5 to mow their lawn.  While he went to go change I ran out the front door and started up the mower and beat him to it.  My dads face was a face of disappointment because of the greed I displayed.  My grandpa was there and he saw my desire and said that boy is going to be okay.  He had more of a face of delight in my drive.  Rich Plass said that sin is an exaggeration or diminishment of something good.  Our desires are good but if they are exaggerated and we become our desire it is not good.  (This gives a whole new meaning to you have Jesus in your heart but you have your grandpa in your bones) -Porter on the Sea Doo and Wake Surfing

When we are born we come into the world as desiring creatures first and then thinking.  God says unless we become like little children dependent, knowing our need and desperate for him we will not come. 

Slide - Psalm 37:4 – “Delight yourselves in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.”

Slide - John 1:37-38a it says, “When the two disciples heard him say this, they followed Jesus.  Turning around, Jesus saw them following and asked, “What do you want?”  That is the question I want to pose to you this evening.  What do you want?  It is our desire and our emotions that drive us and whatever you want most will drive you.  You are what you love.  A little of my story and how Jesus is the most life-giving person you can know.  I wanted to find life and joy and looked to various things to find this and came back to Jesus.  Secure attachment in his love is what we have been created for. 

God is a desiring God and he creates humans out of his love and desire.  Our souls desire.

Slide - Augustine says… “you have made us for you and our hearts are restless until they find deep rest in you.”

John of the cross said spirituality has to start with desire.  We see that God names King David a man after God’s own heart.  He desires like God does.  He committed adultery, murder and there was all kinds of disfunction in his family.  Yet… God called him a man after God’s own heart.  He desires and he repents.  Saul did all the same behavior as David but no record of repenting.  At home in the unifying love of God means that our desires find their home in Him instead of being misdirected.  (Journey of desire – John Eldredge)

God in his very essence is love!  He delights in his children!  When theologians put love as only one of his attributes along with anger and jealousy this is heretical.  He is in His very essence love.   Love is not one of God’s attributes it is the attribute that all others flow out of because it is His very essence.  God is love.  1 John 4:8.  He desires and shows love deep in his heart. 

Eros is the desires that are in us and they are found in our soul.  In the same way that we have parts of our body (hands, feet, arms, legs) that are all apart of my body and function best when they have individual roles and yet are a part of a larger system.  The process of maturing the body is growing up into the head and allowing the head to unify the body.  We see this in Eph. 4:15.  Different parts of the body working together in unity under the head is maturity.  In the same way that we have different parts of the body this is compared to different parts of the body of Christ and learning to mature is being unified under the head.  The same is true for our soul.  We have different parts of our soul that desire for things.  The first stage of maturity is becoming aware of these various parts of the soul that manifest in the body.  The body is the canvas for the brain.  As we grow in identifying and differentiating each part we can help them integrate under our Spirit led self.  Sin and death separate. Divide.  The worst mental illness are when there is a split in the brain.  Life in Christ unifies and integrates us together.  Desire gone out of control is dangerous like fire that gets out of control.  Fire in a wood burning stove heats a home.  It is contained and unified but fire that is let go wild consumes and destroys.  Same is true with desire apart from God.

This starts with compassion before correction.  Death causes all the chemicals in our bodies to go separate ways where as life is designed for all the chemicals in the body and soul to integrate and work together.  To lose ones soul is to come unglued or to fall apart.

Eph. 4 illustrates this well.  Glori and I make big headed babies for whatever reason.  When Jackson was a baby they measured his head and were concerned that his head was too big.  He had to go to physical therapy to learn how to lift his head off the floor.  As infants we all have disproportionate heads to the little ity bity bodies that we have.  As we grow physically we grow into our bodies by learning coordination and letting the left and right brain help us function in an integrated way.

Moholland says that discipleship or spiritual formation is “A process of bring formed into the image of Jesus for the sake of others.”

Slide - God concept/God image – Refer to the teaching.

Slide - God concept is primarily left brained – linear, logical, linguistic, explicit and factual.  Information.

God image is right brained = experiential, implicit, emotional, facial expressions and attachment.

Dogs have a limbic system to illustrate this – you are the stupidest dog I have ever seen with a smiling face the dog would get all excited even though your words are opposite of your face.  We look at our parents implicit communication much louder than explicit.  This is how we relate to God as well.

If we are arguing this point we are arguing against the flow of information.  God image wins out against God concept every time.  God wants to wake us up to the reality of His love.  The level that you are able to receive the love of God is directly correlated to how much we will change and transform.  Most spiritual formation focuses on the left side of the brain and misses the right brain.  We give what we receive.

In order for unity or union with God we need to know the various parts of our souls desire and help them work together while being distinct.  We have to differentiate in order to integrate all of these various desires and longings of our souls.  These desires are made for relationship with God first and then others second.  They are fooled into believing they can find life and integration apart from relationship.  It leads to a divided self.

Slide – “It would seem that Our Lord finds our desires not too strong but too weak.  We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in the slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea.  We are far too easily pleased.”  -C.S. Lewis

The joy circuitry in our brain is primarily in the right hemisphere.  We are made for love bonds but often we bond out of fear.  This is where our attachment is with our parents and caregivers as well.  The American story is all about independence and the pursuit of happiness.  Independence apart from relationship leads to fear driving us.  Love bonds lead us to delight in each other’s face.  We long to be wanted, delighted in… known, understood, and valued.  Love bonds are all about joyful engagement.  The biblical story is all about dependence on God and interdependence on one another.  Love God, love others.  Quality of our lives is determined by the quality of our relationships.

Do a little teaching on how our homes were a far cry from the Garden of Eden.  We need to not only have gospel fluency in our left brains but gospel astonishment in our right brains. 

Slide - What feels most like home to you here on earth?

Slide - What is the opposite of this?

We are going to start at the beginning where all good stories begin.  The garden of Eden

Slide - Eden = Joy, Abundance - Delight.  A mountain or high place with God.

That is why the psalmist says in Psalm 16 - His presence gives us fullness of joy.  Then in Psalm 25 – “His soul shall abide in well-being”.  In Psalm 43:4 – “I will go to God my exceeding joy.”  His withness is what brings ultimate peace and frees us from our fears.  The number one repeated command is fear not.  365 times.  The solution to this is that God is with us.

Exodus 33:14 – My presence will go with you, and I will give you rest.”  Then in Matthew 11:28-30 “Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”  He is our home!  Psalm 91:1 – “He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will abide in the shadow of the Almighty.”  This abiding similar to refuge is correlated with abode – home.

Core Longings – desires of our hearts.  This will help us return home to the Fathers love.

Slide - Security, Belonging and Significance slide.

The Trinity bent the knee through providing the core longings of our hearts

Security -  Notice how we were created for intimacy.  Adam and Eve had deep security in the garden of Eden.  They knew that they were perfectly secure in the garden and were protected.  Notice what it says in Genesis 1:29&30b – “And God said, “Behold, I have given you every plant yielding seed that is on the face of all the earth, and every tree with seed in its fruit.  You shall have them for food.  The had unlimited security with plenty of food to enjoy.  Anyone that is a vegan in the room is thinking amen… I like where this is going  We long for security at the deepest part of our being and there is a reason food is called comfort food.  When we have food in our bellies and we are satisfied we often feel comfortable.  We feel security but this security came from God providing for humans and they were deeply dependent on him as their Father and provider.

Belonging – Adam and Eve walked with God in the cool of the day and they had deep belonging with God and one another.  We see deep belonging to one another here and intimacy.  We know that Adam and Eve walked with God and enjoyed his presence before they rebelled.  We long for God and we all desire belonging relationally.

Significance – In Genesis 1:28 it says, “And God blessed them.  And God said to them, ‘Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it, and have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over every living thing that moves on the earth.’” Multiplication and purpose was in the very fabric of our initial creation.  God blessed them by giving them a purpose and significance to essentially continue His creative work.  Continue his blessing by being fruitful.  This is not just have babies but be fruitful in the work of your hands.  This is the first great commission before the fall.  Nurses and doctors bring order out of chaos in health care, people who work in the financial world bring order out of chaos financially, counselors bring order out of chaos mentally and emotionally, Engineers create systems and structures to solve problem and help things run more smoothly, Government officials bring order to society and we could go on and on.  We are blessed to be a blessing and to be fruitful in every area of life. Relationships functions best when we have both intimacy and purpose.  (The purpose of your marriage isn’t just for intimacy but to mirror the self-giving love of the Trinity and glorify Him through the two of you coming together as one for a clear purpose in your marriage.  Marriage is designed for intimacy and mission.)

Notice that the core longings of our hearts are for security, belonging and significance.  Could it be that the Triune God embodies these 3 realities.  The Father, Son and Spirit are meant to be our security, belonging and significance?  I love what Augustine said, our hearts are restless until they find deep rest in Him.  Our hearts are made for God.  When these go unmet in our earthly families that is where our childhood wounds come from.

Notice what happens when Adam and Eve stopped listening to God and reject his blessing.  They choose to rebel and believe that created things or substances can satisfy more than He can.  They listened to the father of lies instead.  Look at what happens in Gen. 3:1-8.  Instead of the blessing we experience the curse.

Slide - False intimacy triad of appetite, approval and power - The father of lies comes along to curse and deceive us by using 3 counterfeit gods to imitate the trinity.  I like to call it the false triad.  He uses the things our hearts were made for to create a false triad.  He says, you want security feed your belly and appetite.  You don’t need God.   You want belonging you can create your own approval and protect yourself better than God can.  You want significance you actually can be wise like God and have more power than He has given you.  Notice in Gen. 3:6 -7 what it says, “So when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was a delight to the eyes, and that the tree was to be desired to make one wise, she took of its fruit and ate, and she also gave some to her husband who was with her, and he ate.  Then the eyes of both were opened, and they knew that they were naked(or vulnerable).  And they sewed fig leaves together and made themselves loincloths.”    Now, notice what happens when they give into temptation… they experience the curse of sin. Their eyes were opened, and they knew they were naked and they covered up.  Shame caused them to hide from God and one another.  That is the issue we have in marriages and relationships today.  We hide from one another because we are afraid of getting hurt.  We hide our vulnerable parts… probably less physically but more emotionally.  When we hide emotionally, we take away from intimacy and it definitely has impacts on our sexuality.  The father of lies convinced Adam and Eve to sin and drop the curse of sin into Gods creation and it has infected every part of God’s good creation and tainted it.  They essentially said to the Father of truth… we don’t want you to be our dad, follow you or trust you with our identity.  We want to follow the father of lies and have him tell us our identity.  Just like in the prodigal sons story. 

Notice how these three temptations of Jesus (the second Adam) correlate to the three temptations in Genesis 3.  His first temptation was to turn rocks into bread – appetite, second temptation was approval.  The last temptation of Jesus is all about power.  In 1 John 2:15-17 it says, “Do not love the world or anything in the world.  If anyone loves the world, love for the Father (or the Father’s love) is not in them.  For everything in the world- the lust of the flesh, (internal appetites) the lust of the eyes, (external appetites – approval) and the pride of life (power/ambition) – comes not from the Father but from the world.  The world and its desires pass away, but whoever does the will of God lives forever.”  This father of lies creates an imitation trinity or a false triad.  The security, belonging and significance that are found in the Triune God are hijacked and the father of lies sells us a lie.  The problem is that we have been deceived and long for the triune God… security, belonging, significance.  These are the foundational longings that we all have.

Each one of us regularly looks to the false triad in this world by feeding our appetites to hide our shame, seeking approval to cover our fear of others and trying to perform to free us from guilt… and blaming others when that doesn’t work.

When it says in Eph. 2:2 that Satan is the prince of the power of the air it means that appetite, approval and power are what are ruling on this earth.  Marketing clusters.   In Romans 12:2 it says, “Do not conform to the pattern of this world but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.”

We are going to talk about how the three temptations tie into the 3 primary attachment tendencies and how these lead to emotional fusion, codependency and even give a foothold to the enemy in our relationships.

During Jesus baptism just before his temptation and ministry the Father of truth said a blessing over the Son as the Spirit descends on Him.    Matt. 3:16-17 says, And a voice from heaven said, ‘This is my Son, whom I love; with him I am well pleased’”.  This is before he does any ministry by the way.  Everyone who is baptized into the Trinity - The Father is saying this same blessing to you… you are secure as my son or daughter, you belong because of my love and before you have done anything I am already well pleased… you are completely significant.  (Irenaeus who was the disciple of Polycarp who was discipled by the apostle John said that the three identity statements of the Father’s blessing over the son is tied to the three temptations.)

Here is the good news.  He is restoring the core longings and wants to bring healing to the wounds that we have from the father of lies and our childhood.  Jesus created a port hole in this world through coming as the second Adam and dying the death we deserve. Gal. 3:13 – “Christ redeemed us from the curse of the law by becoming a curse for us, for it is written: “Cursed is everyone who is hung on a pole.”   When we trust in Jesus and learn to look to Him for our security, belonging and significance the Father of truth speaks the same blessing over us that He did to Jesus.

Jesus not only died physically for your sins but he died emotionally by experiencing the emotions that come from separation and divorce.  He was separated from His Father in his deepest moment of need.   Only as we understand our own sin and propensity are we able to die to it.  You cannot die to a self you do not know.  We do not see the world or even God as he is but as we are.  Middle age is like middle school.  Just like in middle school you become aware of others perception of you in middle life we become aware of how young we are emotionally.  People are leaving the church in droves because they often blame God for all the wounds that they had growing up.  Our understanding of father and mother was shaped by the garden of broken love that we grew up in.  It was a far cry from the garden of Eden.  Whatever you don’t own in your broken past will end up owning you.

I have heard sin defined as an exaggeration or diminishment of something good.  Feelings are a gift.  We have tendencies to fall into two ditches of either being too close to our emotions (dominated by them) which leads to exaggeration or being too far from our emotions (diminishing them).   God gave us desire to lead us back home to him but when we are dominated by our desires or diminishing our desires are desires are driving us instead of us leading them.  When the Spirit is in control these desires lead us back home to God.  My story and C.S. Lewis – Jesus is the most life giving person you can know.  If we want to move back towards emotional health and the blessing that we were intended to receive we need to hear what God has to say over us and be reminded about how only he can meet the core longings and needs of our hearts ultimately.  Our wounds happen in relationship and healing has to happen relationally as well.   Do you regularly hear this blessing?  Core longings in your heavenly marriage lead to healthy emotional differentiation in your earthly relationships.

Let’s take a minute now and listen for God’s voice and pay attention to what is happening on his face as He encounters us.  Be still and know that you are God.  I cannot believe how often it says throughout  scripture that his people either heard the voice of God or ignored the voice of God.  This is not a performance but it is important to see, hear and encounter the Father’s love. 

Likely when you envision the Father’s face in heaven it is like this.  We can be left brain orthodox Christians but right brain heretics.  77% of people have a non-benevolent view of the Fathers face when they envision it.  Likely when you envision the Father’s face in heaven it is similar to what you experienced with your parents.  We can be left brain orthodox Christians but right brain heretics.

If you could take one face summarizing your fathers face from growing up what would it be?

If you could take one face summarizing your mothers face what would it be?

Define emotional health –

Slide – “An emotionally healthy person experiences a full range of emotions, including anger, sadness, fear, guilt, and joy and can regulate or differentiate from these emotions appropriately.”  -Alison Cook

 

Porter being dropped off for the first time at my parents home by himself.  As I was pulling out of the driveway… he came running out and with a quivering voice he yelled out dad?  I put the car in park and jumped out and gave him a big bear hug.  I said buddy you are so brave.  I love you.  He stayed there for a minute and then turned around and ran in and had a great stay with them.  He needed to know he was safe and that he was delighted in.  My heart melted and still does with him.  This spring we have traveled too much and he said to my wife… mom – no more travel.  You are what is secure and I need to see your face of delight over me.  Blessing at night.  As kids we need to see the face of delight of our parents in order to know that we are delighted in.

 

So let me say a blessing over each of you. 

 

Slide - “The Lord Bless you and keep you; the Lord make his face of delight to shine upon you and be gracious to you; the Lord lift up his countenance of joy upon you and give you peace.”   

 

Can you see his face over you delighting and rejoicing in you.  He also says over you the same blessing he said to Jesus.  You are secure as my son or daughter, you are my beloved (you belong) and with you I am well pleased.  You are significant.  This is what Jesus was rooted in to keep him from disordered or deceitful desires.  If you struggle with this our session tomorrow morning will help explain why…

 

Emotions reveal need.  The quality of our lives is determined by the quality of our relationships.  Or as God said… Love God and love others. 

 

For God vs. From God and the latter of transaction vs. transformation. 

 

Processing questions 15 minutes on their own –

What is God inviting you to notice right now? 

How are you relating to God the Father as you pray?   

What kind of Father is He? 

What is the expression on God’s face right now as you imagine him looking at you? 

What is the expression on God’s face when you sin or disappoint? 

What do you feel like God is inviting you into? 

15 minutes together - If married check in on the 3 feelings of the day to help you tune into your feelings.  Name and tame feelings to grow in giving and receiving love.  If not married journal your 3 emotions.